I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
