Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thank you for not boning my boss.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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