No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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