Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
