apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you win again, gameday.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
