What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
