I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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