Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
