I'm really into asian looking animals
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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