so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
