just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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