The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's get the cat blown out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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