I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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