so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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