Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
