Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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