girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
These tits shall not be calmed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
