At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
