alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
