dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
