Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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