Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
