Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
