i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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