it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
