Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is Oprah even human
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
