he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
