She's JV to your varsity
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize