dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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