Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
