Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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