you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
