i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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