I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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