Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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