Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
