I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
