new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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