you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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