i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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