I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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