Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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