where am i from again
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
