not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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