That's intense
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
