then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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