...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
