I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
