I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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