We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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