guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
