Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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