Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
