It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
