Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
