Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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