She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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