Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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