If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
