i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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