I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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